Britain prepares for invasion by rubber duck armada

They were toys destined only to bob up and down in nothing bigger than a child’s bath — but so far they have floated halfway around the world.

The armada of 29,000 plastic yellow ducks, blue turtles and green frogs broke free from a cargo ship 15 years ago.

Since then they have travelled 17,000 miles, floating over the site where the Titanic sank, landing in Hawaii and even spending years frozen in an Arctic ice pack.

And now they are heading straight for Britain. At some point this summer they are expected to be spotted on beaches in South-West England.

Full story, as reported by

It seems the island of misfit toys, originally conjectured by one Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, is real. Forming the armpits of the Pacific Ocean by the sort of duldrums in currents that used to drive pirates loony are two archipelagos of floating garbage collectively referred to as The North Pacific Subtropical Gyre or The Great Pacific Garbage Patch by at least a couple of sources. Composed of all of the stuff we’ve all collectively chucked into the river and/or flushed down the toilet, this floating continent reportedly measures one to two Texases. And now, in a move that’s surprised everyone from Greenpeace to the Hawai’i Department of Sanitation, their inhabitants are reportedly invading Britain.

Not to make this all about me and my needs, can we be far behind? Britain has stood by us through our war; it would be ignoble for us to abandon us as they fall under attack. But you have to wonder what this is going to do to gas prices and airport security searches.


4 Responses to “Britain prepares for invasion by rubber duck armada”

  1. reportedly measures one to two Texases
    How much is that in Rhode Islands? Google Unit Converter doesn’t include this as an option.

  2. Experts might be assembled, but the most advanced duckography in the world won’t be able to prevent, or even curtail, the onslaught that looms.

    Their only hope is to suds up the water and let loose every gnarly-toothed toddler in the UK.

    Didn’t Sid Vicious predict this?

  3. On a related topic, have a look/see at this photo essay on albatross carcasses full of plastic nick nacs, doo dads and bric-a-brac littering the island of Midway.

  4. YpjYHm AFAICT you’ve covered all the bases with this answer!

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