First off, get your mind out of the gutter

I’ve got this neighbor, right? Fellow named Angel. Nice enough guy, I suppose. I refer to him as being one of my ‘step neighbors’ on account of his frequent presence on the front steps of his brownstone home. One of those unusual urbanites who’ll just start talking to people in his general vicinity. Never has a negative thing to say about anyone. But a bit chatty. Chatty in a non-breath-taking stream of consciousness rambling sort of way. He can weave from the weather to something that happened to someone he knew in high school  to Mike Tyson’s career to peanut butter to his mother (God bless her heart) in Miami’s  health woes, without providing a single pause long enough to look at your watch and excuse yourself. If you’re on your way somewhere and getting there on time is an issue, you’ll need to plan on one of three things: leaving fifteen minutes early, getting where you’re going late, or possibly having to cross the street and hide if you see him coming.

What all of this has to do with you, your mind, the gutter and this here blog thingee. I’m on my way home (on foot, as is the way of my people) from running some Sunday morning errands. Angel’s going the other way, but decides he can get where he’s going just as quickly by reversing direction and talking to/at me. Today’s opener:

“Man,” he says. “I can’t wait for Wednesday at ten o’clock.”

 To which the only thing I can think to say is, “Oh?” As far as I know, there aren’t any election results, eclipses, mass evacuations, public demonstrations or similar ‘happenings’ scheduled for Wednesday evening.

“Yeah,” he says. “There’s going to be this big expose on that UFO in Texas on… I forget what channel. But you gotta watch it.”

In the interest of sparing you the full breadth of the rant that followed, know that it included: references to “that UFO in Texas last month” (Jan 14, according to MSNBC) that “like 70,000 people saw” (or dozens, again according to MSNBC) but which nobody photographed because “it was just too big”; friends of his in the air force who actually saw “something”, one of whom left the service as a direct result; and, of course, this show that’ll be on Wednesday evening on some channel or another that’s going to blow the lid off the whole situation.

 “I’m totally into all that kind of stuff,” Angel tells me.

 Incidentally, here’s the clip from MSNBC, in link form since I haven’t figured out how to embed video just yet.

And that, I decided on the spot, was my cue to finally join the ranks of the unpaid writing masses here in the blogosphere. Because you know what? I’m totally into all that kind of stuff, too. It’s a freaky world out there, folks. You think something rings peculiar about 70,000 people in Texas seeing a UFO and not one of them being able to take a picture of it because it’s just too damned big? Well, let me tell you, that’s not even the tip of the iceberg. There’s stuff going on out there that you don’t even know about. Until now, that is. Until now.


3 Responses to “First off, get your mind out of the gutter”

  1. […] knowledge around upcoming “election results, eclipses, mass evacuatons” and what not in my inaugural post a couple notches down the page here has been called out by an actual lunar eclipse, which’ll be taking place tonight. In my […]

  2. It looks like a weather balloon to me.

  3. intoallthat Says:

    Apparently, a lot of UFO’s attach weather balloons to their whatever-the-UFO-equivalent-of-a-rear-bumper is. Proof positive that humor doesn’t always translate well.

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